Bumped into X in the street yesterday, after going to get a haircut. She blanked me.

What have I done recently? I've written a script for a short animated film starring my work colleagues. I've constructed the song Happy Birthday to You out of sampled fart sounds (no, they're not my own farts, nor did I record anyone else's. They're samples I bought off a website.) So if you see a large birthday card with "Happy Birthday from the Trouser Trumpeting Villagers of Whiffy Bottom" on it, I wrote that. And recorded the music. Finally the public will get to buy my music in the shops. In the form of a farted cover version. Brilliant.

I also did the "Duck McQuackers and his Quacking Singers" one, but I didn't do the music for that one.

Mood veers wildly from depression to happiness to more depression. I regret not talking to X about my feelings more, I think I owed her that in a way, but it's not like we didn't talk about it at all. I'd tried to get her to stop doing all the things that made me want to leave, and she never stopped doing any of them, so why would she expect me to stay?

I miss her more than anything though. Moving into a flat on my own was a total mistake. I should have gone for a flat share. At least then I'd have someone to talk to.

As no-one's reading this, and, as far as I know, no-one even knows it's here, I've decided not to put things through the positive filter like I usually do on other websites (and in real life).

Yesterday I went to collect my bike from L. It was the only thing left there that I still wanted (I've no use for a hammer-drill) and I knew that while it was still there, I still had some connection with her. There'd still be that chance to talk to her again.

And now there isn't, because yesterday I pushed that bike about four miles along the Leeds-to-Liverpool canal in the pouring rain due to it having two flat tyres. I actually rode it some of the way, even with two flat tyres, and got a wet bum, just for a change of pace.

I'm starting to think I've ballsed things up badly. Meeting with L. showed that the magnetic pull between us is still there. We stood in her garden, me holding the bike, neither of us saying anything, both of us looking at the ground, and I didn't want to leave.

Things have changed. When I left, I didn't really know what I was doing, just that I needed to get away from everything.

But now I have an idea why I've found it so difficult to cope over the last seven years, why I've needed to 'cope' with living with my lover, and having a diagnosis is the first step on the road to a cure.

But I couldn't tell her.

I've joined CitySocialising, a group for people with no friends, and have been going out to their events and meeting different people and completely failing to make friends with them.

I have no idea how to make friends. I meet people I like and they seem to like me, but then I can never get any further.

I spent most of Saturday evening talking to a horrible woman who kept insulting me. No wonder she had to join a group for people with no friends.

Well, X and I have split up. It feels rather like I've cut off one of my own limbs. Not a minute goes by when I don't miss her. But things were difficult.

The worst part is losing your closest friend along with your partner (due to them being the same person). 

I've been told she's "happier and more confident that she's been in years," which might have been intended to hurt my feelings, but actually that makes me happy. I want her to have a brilliant life.

One of my oldest friends has ended our friendship because I Ieft X. As she has only spoken to X about it, she's only got one side of the story. So to end a, what, 15-year(?) friendship over it is just pathetically childish. I guess she wasn't the person I thought. It's also extremely hypocritical, given the way she split up with her husband.

I'm now living in a tiny-but-very-nice apartment in Leeds city centre.

A large update is on its way, and then I'm going to start updating this blog regularly.

Went to see The League of Gentlemen at Manchester Apollo last night. They were absolutely fantastic, although there was some humour of very questionable taste - even more so than the TV show.

The best thing was that they crammed in almost every character from all three series of the TV show - even Mick McNamara the cave guide and the boy with the Knight Rider car. The only one I could think of that didn't appear was Tish.

Very, very funny - especially Ross the Restart Officer coming on to a chorus of boos - "He never could take his booze..."

"Boston, Massachusetts."

Read my review of "Wimbledon" starring Paul Bettany and Kirsten Dunst on Amazon: Doesn't even qualify as a proper story

Sarcasm? Oh, that's really good, that is.

Christopher Eccleston has quit the role of Doctor Who after only one episode has been broadcast. He will forever be known as "Quitstopher Eccles-gone".

Apparently, the Pope is being fed through a tube.

That's got to be a big tube.

One day John was walking along the road when he saw, coming towards him, a man who had an orange for a head.

"Excuse me," said John, "but I couldn't help noticing that you have an orange for a head. How did that happen?"

"Well," said the man who had an orange for a head, "it's a funny story. One day, I found an old lamp and, for a laugh, I rubbed it to see if a Genie would appear. To my utter amazement, a Genie DID appear! And like in all the old stories, he granted me three wishes."

"What did you wish for?" asked an incredulous John.

"Well for my first wish," said the man who had an orange for a head, "I wished that I was irresistable to women. And sure enough, I can now get any woman I desire to go straight to bed with me. I'm living a life of bliss!"

"What about your second wish?" asked John, his eyes wide with amazement.

"Well," said the man who had an orange for a head, "for my second wish, I wished that I had all the money I could ever need. Sure enough, I am now a billionaire. I'm living a life of luxury."

"Blimey," said John. "And what about your third wish?"

"Well, for my third wish," said the man who had an orange for a head, "I wished I had an orange for a head."

Apparently, Chris Rea fancies himself as something of a businessman. He's started up his own brand of margarine, in direct competition with "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!"

It's called "Fool If You Think It's Clover".

Today is National Stefan Dennis Day.

We should all wear the official Stefan Dennis red armbands to commemorate it, and celebrate Stefan's talents.

Many years ago I read a book called 'Night Sisters' by John Pritchard. To this day it remains the worst book I've ever read. Everyone should go and read
my review of it on Amazon. Perhaps you'd like to add a review of your own? It doesn't matter that you haven't read it, just tell the world how execrable it is.

It's even worse than 'Lying in Bed' by J.D. Landis.

After years of wanting one, I have finally got my hands on a Yamaha SW1000XG Midi Card. I will finally be able to write and produce music on my computer again!

I used to have an SW80XG in my old computer. When I upgraded my pc, I discovered it didn't fit inside. The SW80 cost me £80, which was an awful lot back when I was a first-year student. It's replacement, the SW1000XG cost £500. But then it is vastly superior.

I didn't pay that much for it. I paid £170 for a second hand one on eBay. It's only just arrived, so I haven't even tested it yet. It looks okay, but for all I know it might not work.

If it does work, I'm very probably going to buy a domain name (and may even consider buying a server) and resurrect my old website. Although given that I know now of two other bands called Perish, I'll probably change the name. Which is a shame, because it suits my music far more than it suits either of them.

If it doesn't work, I'm going to be very disappointed indeed.

Christmas and New Year.

This year I received probably the most accurate presents I've ever had, largely thanks to Amazon.co.uk and their wonderful wishlists.

I got Ricky Gervais's 'Animals' and 'Politics', Dave Gorman's 'Googlewhack Adventure', Bill Bailey 'Part Troll', Tim Vine Live, Eddie Izzard 'Sexie' and Star Trek V (the Final Frontier) and VI (the Undiscovered Country).

I also got a racetrack, a mini-Robosapien, some chocolate a toy Dalek and Cyberman, and a jumper.

Yay!

Over New Year I was the murderer in a murder mystery game, and got scratched by an unusually vicious cat.


Look at this! This man knows!

Last night I nearly drove into a bollard. Not long afterwards my driving instructor's contact lens fell out.

Neil Gaiman has been promoting www.blacksocks.com, a website that sells (unsurprisingly) black socks. The surprising bit is that they do it by subscription - so every couple of months you get a new pair of black socks in the post. What a great idea! And it works on two levels as well - it provides wearers of black socks with a constant supply, and it encourages wearers of white socks to stop being so stupid and to start wearing black socks.

The Hitch-Hiker's Guide movie is currently looking very good. http://hitchhikers.movies.go.com/main.html

as is the new series of Doctor Who. http://www.gallifreyone.net Still a bit puzzled by this leather jacket and short hair thing, though.

It's strange - lots of TV shows I liked in the past are coming back in new and exciting forms. Perhaps it's time for Series 3 of The Tripods? Or the resurrection of Blake's 7 (Or Blake's None as it would have to be, seeing as they all get killed).. Or the return of Star Cops! That would be pretty cool. Or Ultraviolet... or Thunderbirds 2086? Or Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors? Or Chorlton and the Wheelies. Yes, that's the one. I demand a big budget Hollywood movie adaption of Chorlton and the Wheelies! By Tim Burton!

There is not much going on. At work I now have a list of about 90 sites designed to look as if they are designed to induce seizure in people with photosensitive epilepsy.

At home, I am still ripping my CDs on to my Zen player, and am doing it in alphabetical order, because that's how they are arranged in their big white IKEA cabinet (there are too many to keep track of otherwise). I am up to Suede (that's the The London Suede from our American readers, not the lady Jazz singer.)

I recently downloaded lots of songs about science from a website I found. They are from a series of LPs released in the US in the 50s called 'Singing Science' and they are wonderful. Everyone should go and listen to them immediately. http://www.acme.com/jef/singing_science/

Plenty has changed since my last post. My job for one thing.

I'm currently:

at work:

1) worrying about web accessibility. I work on this website (although I didn't design it, I just maintain it.) http://www.epilepsy.org.uk

2) trying to get loads of dangerous websites closed down. I never imagined that I would work at this, in fact the idea of a website that can cause someone physical harm sounds like something from some rather garish science fiction story.

at home:

1)recording all 650 of my CDs into my computer, in order that I can then download them onto the single best thing ever invented: the Creative Labs Zen Jukebox. I can then listen to a random selection from every track of every album I own. When I've finished I'm going to put the lyrics for every song on the pc. Sadly, you can't do that to the Zen but maybe one day.

2)trying to write a comic for Kallie to draw. I haven't got very far.

3)writing a novel. I've written 3000 words so far. It's based on my short play 'Shadows & Reflections'.

Hello. This is my first entry on my new livejournal. Fascinating, isn't it? I suppose I should start with a quick summary of everything that's happening in my life at the moment. Here goes:

I am living with Louise in Bramley, Leeds.

I am writing a novel called 'Shadows & Reflections' based on my stageplay which was performed a while ago by Bradford University Theatre Group.

I have just had my entry for the BBC's 'Two Timing' sitcom-script competition returned. I didn't win. It was called 'Klaatu Barada Nikto,' after the famous phrase from The Day The Earth Stood Still, and upon re-reading it, it really wasn't very good.

I am collecting Dr. Who DVDs (which is a bit sad really, but I don't care), Alice Cooper albums (I've nearly finished), Kim Newman novels (which is impossible) and am hunting for a reasonably priced copy of 'The Buddha of Suburbia' by David Bowie, (which is harder than hunting the Snark.)

I am resitting GCSE maths, which I have wanted to do ever since I got a D at it at school.